Differentiating Between Illness and Personality.

You may not believe this, but my illness does not define who I am! Despite this being the absolute obvious, you would be surprised the number of times I get an uneducated, I-live-a-perfect-life fool rambling on about how I make being ill my personality. Unless I’ve just woken up from a slumberous coma and advocating for awareness is suddenly frowned upon, then maybe they’re right, but my ‘’ill-minded’’ self likes to think that isn’t true. The irony is that if people weren’t so uneducated, I wouldn’t have to keep raising awareness as much. 

I’ve always had people say I’m bubbly, energetic, charismatic and charming, which I do like to be. It’s things like those adjectives, alongside my passions and interests that define my personality. Not the hospital visit from last Tuesday, or the Naproxen I took last night. 

I can be engaging, so why not use that superpower to create an outreach to people around the world. Let people know that Psoriasis is not just a skin condition. That Arthritis isn’t just a disease for old Doris up the road. That children, younger than me are suffering. A world filled with pain. Each and every day. An excruciating cycle of needles and tests, meds and disappointment. Feelings of emptiness and loneliness, depression and anxiety. Feeling like nobody understands. I could keep detailing the awful things that we as sufferers have to endure, but that’s not what this blog post is for.  

You know some people think I lie about having arthritis. That it’s all some big cry for attention. I mean bloody hell if it were all a lie then they could probably make an 8-part series about it because I’ve certainly been keeping it up for a long time. It’s funny because sometimes I wonder if I actually do have Psoriatic Arthritis, but then my neck starts aching like it’s about to fall off. And I feel an itching burning sensation on my arm. Then I remember, ah yes... I’m chronically ill! One interaction that I still remember came a few months after I was first diagnosed. I brought up to someone in my form that I had a hospital appointment that day and she goes ‘’oh what’s that for?’’ seeming genuinely caring. ‘’Ah it’s a rheumatology appointment for my arthritis!” I replied in a you know, nice friendly sort of way, until I hear ‘’oh my mum has arthritis that’s not funny to talk about’’ and ‘’Seriously you’re a kid, you can’t get it so stop trying to seek attention’’ and I was just gobsmacked. Like I’m not being funny love, but you try enduring what I’ve done so far, and then tell me I don’t have arthritis. Thankfully after showing her a picture of a hospital letter and my knee that was three times its size, she did understand and started apoligising bless her. But it does make you wonder who else hears about me and thinks ‘’What an attention seeking prat.’’ But honestly, at the end of the day I am making a good change for the community and that’s what matters. 

And for those who do believe me, they start saying ‘’yeah well you can’t use it as an excuse’’ with almost a jealous tone. Like if you want the disease then be my guest, you can have it. It’s so hard because that is one of the main things I strive for in my personal life – not letting my disease have a complete hold of me and use it as an excuse for laziness. And 95% of the time, my disease does cause me to miss lessons at school. To not be able to go to work. To have to stay in bed for sometimes three days in a row, because the pain and fatigue is unimaginably crippling. 

In summary, yes my illness' effect my day-to-day life. Yes I use my illness' to help advocate and bring hope to others. But no, my illness' do not define my personality, or who I am as a person.